A Small Gathering of Movie Lovers, and Me

There I was, self-proclaimed movie lover — the guy who once watched every Spielberg movie available in a 48 hour period — at a social gathering of some screenwriters, a director, and mostly actors. The conversation got off to a fantastic start, where a young guy mentioned that ‘Goodfellas’ is one of the greatest films of all time. I concurred, and said something fascinating about Robert De Niro that may or may not have implied he was a personal friend of mine.

It was at this point that two young women passed me and -- noticing that I am an older, distinguished, and likely knowledgeable film lover, mentioned that the Lord of the Rings trilogy is the greatest trilogy ever made. I made a small indecipherable gesture and said ‘maybe it would be in my top five’.

If it was to be in my top five, it would be a miraculous achievement, given that I’ve not seen a single second of anything to do with the Lord of the Rings.

My only relation to the Lord of the Rings universe is that one time many years ago, my friend Debra was in a play, and I uncharacteristically stayed for drinks afterwards, which is when I got talking to a lovely fellow who seemed absolutely fascinated by my every word.

Photo by Sasha Matveeva on Unsplash

It was only after he left, that my friend Debra said it was great that I’d made friends with such a well known actor. Turns out this guy played a key character in The Hobbit, and many people at the party were desperate to meet him, but unfortunately I’d kept him locked in a conversation all night without having any idea who he was.

After the two young women realised the gaping hole in my film knowledge, they trundled back over to their boyfriends, and almost immediately I bumped into a bearded gentleman who, to most, would appear friendly — but I could sense the hostile reality that he knew every film ever made, with special attention given to those I had never even heard of. We’d barely said hello before he mentioned that the “Cinema of Transgression is still underrated to this day.” I nodded, not quite understanding, but still managed to utter, “that’s definitely true in many ways.”

Luckily the evening moved on and at one point I heard an utterance from the kitchen where a guy with a ponytail said, “The View Asknewiverse is an important part of film history.” Yes! They were talking about Kevin Smith movies and this is something I happen to know plenty about.

I arrived in the kitchen with a smile on my face, ready to tackle the inner workings of the Kevin Smith Empire. With a kind friendliness, sensing my wish to be involved, the ponytail man’s friend, who we’ll call Bald Derek, courageously invited me into the conversation:

“What do you make of the ending of Tenet?” He asked.

I am in three film-lover related WhatsApp groups. In each of them, it’s agreed that Christopher Nolan is the most important director working today. It’s crucial to have a big understanding of Nolan’s oeuvre.

Unfortunately, I can never remember which one is ‘Tenet’ and which one is ‘Inception’. Not only did I fail to understand the endings of both, I also struggled to grasp the beginnings. I have the unfortunate issue of claiming to be a writer and a filmmaker whilst having very little working knowledge of Christopher Nolan.

I mumbled something about the ending of Tenet meaning something different to everyone, and then I suggested we have a conversation about which is better, Sprite or 7up. After this conversation swerve failed to light a spark, I retired back to the living room where I nodded along to a thirty minute conversation about Alien and Predator, before slipping out the front door and getting the bus home.