The Book You Don't Read Can't Help

Thoughts on attempting to read.

I like to read, or at least, I think I do. If you saw the amount of books strewn across my home, you’d think I’m one of the all time great readers. On the coffee table, there are published screenplays. On the dining table, there’s a Tony Robbins self-help book. And in my laptop bag, there’s a book about screenwriting.

I’m also in the midst of reading fiction. I started ‘Hotel,’ by Athur Hailey (one of my favourite authors). And I started a book of short stories from ‘The New Yorker.’

On any given day, I’m absolutely certain about which book is my focus.

But by the next day, I’ve completely forgotten.

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

One thing I know, deep in my heart, is that I should have written more long form film and TV scripts by now. This would have happened already — as I believe it’s my life’s purpose (work-wise) — but there’s usually a game on TV, or a controversial Tweet being sent to me on Whatsapp, so I am a little distracted.

I don’t want to be distracted. I want to be reading. I get so much from reading. I am a better version of myself when I am deep into a book.

But I find it impossible to focus.

Even when there’s an author I love, I convince myself I’ve read too much of their work. I’ve read all their early, funny ones, and now I’m reading their new dross. It’s like there’s this super judgemental version of myself that refuses to fully invest in what I’m reading.

Here’s the main way that I am lost:

I feel like there’s something I’m MEANT to be reading, I just don’t know what it is.

Do I need to re-read ‘Screenplay’ by Robert McKee, so I can become a better screenwriter?

Or should I read ‘Awaken the Giant Within’ by Tony Robbins, so that I’ll learn the productivity hacks that’ll get me to ACTUALLY write the screenplay?

Or should I read a great sci-fi novel so that I can feel the joy of creative writing and completely let go of my own inner thoughts?

The answer is usually: do all three simultaneously.

And it doesn’t work.

Do I even need to be reading at all? I’ve learned nearly all the words that are in existence and maybe instead of taking in words, I need to be putting them out into the world.

What I don’t need:

I don’t need gym advice from TikTok.

I don’t need a Mumfluencer from Instagram telling me how to burb a baby.

I don’t need to read 16 articles about Tottenham Hotspur’s injury issues.

The problem is:

My brain is more interested in football gossip and gym advice than on actually doing the work.

I mean, deep deep deep down, the reading and writing are more important, but it’s hard to fully pay attention to my core needs, when my shallow wants are so much more dominant.

How you can help:

Tell me what I should be reading.

-Or-

Send me some very funny meaningless Instagram videos.